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A Fool and His Money Are Soon Parted: Or How I Lost My Ass in Vegas

I was somewhere around Barstow and the edge of the desert when an idea began to take hold: I needed some basis for betting that evening's college basketball games when I arrived in Vegas in two hours. I called Yahoo!'s Brad Evans who can rattle off anything from where each team's three-point shooting defense ranks to who the third big man on Butler is. Brad told me he liked Arizona +9 over Duke and Butler +4.5 over Wisconsin. He also urged me to bet Arizona in the second half, and to take the over on the game.

I was skeptical. After all, I had seen 10 minutes of the Arizona-Texas game, and Texas should have won. Moreover, Wisconsin was my final four pick from that bracket, and they always seem to do pretty well in the tournament. While Brad knows 1,000 times more college hoop than I ever will, sometimes a lot of what experts know is already priced into the line, and I had done well fading a couple of Evans picks in Vegas the year before. I had made up my mind. Duke -9, Wisky -4.5. After I won those two, I'd figure out my next move.

I got to Vegas around 5:30, checked in and hurried to the Venetian sports book where there was surprisingly no line. I cashed in $120 worth of tickets I had held onto all football season, bet $40 on Duke, $40 on Wisconsin, parlayed $20 on both and got $20 back in cash.

At some point DDD met me in the sports book, and we watched the games. Wisconsin was down big right away, but Duke looked okay at the half. The parlay was dead, but maybe I'd break even on the other two. Then in the second half Dwight Howard was somehow allowed to suit up for Arizona, tomahawk dunking on a bunch of the whitest people on the planet. It was like I bet against Ridgemont high after Charles Jefferson's car got trashed. I was out $100 before I had even settled in, and it served me right for phoning Evans solely for the purpose of fading his picks. Evans, it turns out, was right on all four of his calls, none of which I bet.

On Friday, I called Evans contritely and asked him earnestly for his advice. He liked Marquette getting points against North Carolina and Florida State against VCU. I bet $20 on each and added a three-team parlay with both of those teams and Ohio St., which he also liked, over Kentucky. I also threw down another $20 on the Trail Blazers at home against the Spurs laying four points. Without Tim Duncan and nothing really to play for the Spurs lost, but only by two. I was down $180, and I hadn't won a single bet.

On Saturday, I woke up early to make my 9:00 am WCOFB Draft, so I mercifully missed the tip-off of the Florida-Butler game. Around 2 pm, DDD met me back in the room and told me he had bet Florida, and I should do the same in the second half. It seemed like a good idea since I was too tired to play poker, and I knew I'd be watching the game anyway, something that would be unbearably boring without action on it. I got down to the betting window just before second-half tip-off and told the clerk Florida -2.5 for $20. He asked me if I realized it was at -125 which I hadn't. I asked what Butler was paying, and he said +105. To hell with it, I said, give me Butler. It was the only game I would win.

Inspired by the overtime Butler miracle, I was ready for more. DDD, who had lost with Florida, felt I was due, and the Butler win was the beginning of a turned tide. He asked me for three NBA bets, and we both took the Bucks at home getting 5.5 over the Bulls and the Clippers laying 11 at home over the Raptors for $20 each. I also parlayed those two and the Jazz getting five at home against the Mavs for $40. It was a strong parlay with two ugly home dogs and a team that had probably never been favored by double digits in its history - the casino was begging us to take the Raptors. We also took Arizona over UConn |STAR|with the money line.|STAR|

Before those games tipped off, I noticed the following line at the top right corner of the odds board: 'Lil Nog +240 vs. P. Davis -320. I pointed it out to DDD and asked: "How much respect for me would you have if I liquidated all my assets and put them on 'Lil Nog?" He said he'd have great respect for me in that case. Neither of us had ever heard of 'Lil Nog, but the notion of blindly wagering on someone named that was overwhelmingly appealing to both of us. At some point during the Arizona game, we could no longer resist. I bet $10, and he bet $20 on 'Lil Nog.

After 'Zona, in a fantastic game, covered but lost (which did us no good), we went back up to the room to get some work done before meeting Schuler and DVR for a trip to the Hilton Sportsbook in search of some MLB props. While there, we followed the Bulls-Bucks online. The Bucks were up a few points virtually the entire game, when the Bulls made something like a 10-2 run to win by eight. The Jazz were also up the whole game, and we were later shocked to learn they lost by 17. The parlay was dead, and we were hoping to catch the end of the 'Lil Nog match and the Clippers game at the Hilton.

We took the monorail from Harrah's and got off at the Hilton stop. On the way in, before we even made it to the sports book, a UFC fight was playing on some giant screens overhead. Actually, it wasn't playing live but in slow motion. We were watching a replay of a jacked Phil Davis kneeing the living crap out of a prone and grimacing 'Lil Nog. After we saw the Clips hang on and barely win, never coming close to covering, and I placed a couple long shot bets (ARod at 30:1 to win the MLB HR title, Mike Stanton at 25 to 1 - yes, I found a better price on him), I headed back to the Venetian, out $269.

Later that night, I got a text from Schuler reading: "They just showed a replay of your Nog guy getting wrecked. It gets better every time!" I wrote back: "Perfect metaphor for my weekend. Except the draft where the other owners were Nog."

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